Another Top Five...

In memory of the last year of my life (yes, I am making this sound like a piece of me is dying, because in a way, it is) I have decided to put the Top Five best nights of the year, with some side notes of great moments. I hope you enjoy. For some of the nights, I already wrote about them in previous entries, so I'll just quote myself. Don't condescend me motherfucker!

1) Halloween Weekend
The entire weekend was amazing. We got to dress up like retards and walk around all night and people didn't look at you that funny cause it's the city! Mike was Beckham, Joe was Janet Reno/Prom Queen, Erica was Princess Toadstool, Jifergan was a badass Mario from Super Mario Brothers, Brad was Elton John, and I was a can of Campbell's soup one night and a hick applying for a job at the Superman store the next night. We went to the Dude Ranch for the first time and had a hell of a night, Millie came along as Heidi from Tool Time as did the Mr. Ryan Luciani as an emo kid. It was enjoyable. On Campbell's night I took eight shots of Jaegar before we went out and then indulged in some brews at the party. Needless to say, I vomited. But while there, the girl that Jifergan was into made out with his roommate and he was a little upset, but on the way out he slipped on the slippery steps and fell on his ass, providing a good laugh for drunk ass me. It was a good time. The nights will always be remembered as the first time we all got retarded drunk together and had many small tales to tell the next day. I remember telling Joe's little brother and friend that there was an abundance of Roofies in the joint, so watch your cups. At one point, we looked at each other and screamed, 'ROOFIES!' and covered out cups. His little brother and friend covered their cups at light speed and looked around completely terrified. We laughed at their young silly brains. The Dude Ranch offered many nights of silliness, in fact, I saw the first instance of either Abstininth or Opium being used there. I looked confused, drunk and afraid, then ran away.

2) The Seventh Floor Formal
A formal I started to put together and was thought to be a gimmick by some (coughfuckyoumikeflavincough) and turned out to be serious as cancer. People helped me decorate and it looked badass. There were rules:
a) no casual clothing, only dressed and ties
b) must have a date
c) must have a good time or you die
So, we set up, made a playlist and everyone showed up all dressed up and ready for a good time. And a good time it was. It was the beginning to a few things: Mike and Dani, Cfunk and Jenny, Jack Kentala and the wonderful hole in the wall... to name a few.

But, I am sorry to say, that night led to what would be called in the future the “7th Floor Bubonic Plague.” Mike Flavin caught a doosy of a virus and I believe was pronounced legally dead at 4 am from the excessive amount of vomiting/diarrhea he projected from his body. Then the best part happened: half of the goddam floor got the plague, myself included, and let me tell you, that shit was DEADLY. The fact that I am still alive is an occurance just short of a miracle. You don’t even wanna know, my friends.

3) Hour of Power, Lesbians, and THE DUDE RANCH
The weekend started with us doing the first Power Hour (for you lameos out there that is a game where you take a shot of beer every minute for an hour… like 7 beers in an hour, real drunkness ensues). Then, we heard that an apartment on the lower section of the UC was having a “stripper party” which sounded like nothing but awesomeness. We get down there and many scantily clad women walk around and offer me a beer, which I gladly accepted. There is SOME justice in the world, I mean shit, an extremely attractive girl in her underwear offering me a beer IS sweet. As I consumed my alcoholic beverage, two REALLY hot girls started to make out with one another and Mike boxed me out like a basketball game and gawked (as did I, I’m not retarded). It happened again and Michael jumped on my back and let out a ‘YEE HAW’ or ‘WOO WEE’ while flailing his hat in the air.
The next day was another night at the Dude Ranch where we enjoyed ourselves too much. Making out, porno invitations, dead hookers… the usual party stuff. I saw the lesbians again and pointed them out loudly, calling them “the lesbians” across the room. Bad call by the way. Mike vomited out the cab window on the way home and it was so crowded that the only thing I could do was laugh my ass off at the redonkulousness of the evening.

I have previously recorded even part of this evening in a previous livejournal entitled ‘The Dude Ranch.’ If you want all the juicy details, check it out there. It’s one of my finer writings of nonfiction.

4) The Warehouse Happenings
Let’s be honest. Parties are funny. Funny shit happens while you are at them. Like this one time when we were at the wonderful party place known as “The Warehouse” and we showed up early. Like an hour early because we wanted our fill of the delicious beverage within the large silver barrels before the savages came in swarms and stole the wonderful nectar. We show up at about 9-9:30 and there is already an African American (whom I will now call The Negro) passed the fuck out in an armchair. We all pointed and laughed at The Negro already asleep from too much consumption at 9:30 at night. About 30 minutes later, we are all standing around and The Negro stumbles to his feet and walks up to the island in the middle of the apartment. He proceeds to whip out his piece and tinkle all over the floor. We all point and laugh, and by “we all” I mean every motherfucker at the party. A friend who lives there runs up to him and drags him up to a bedroom while another man mops up the ‘accident.’ We continue to point and laugh.

On another night at ‘The Warehouse,’ someone vomited all over the floor by the door and the majority of the party stood around in a sophomoric mocking circle and watched people walk through the vomit, then pointed and laugh. Ah, college. Then, a member of the household yet again brought out the mop and began to mop up the vomit. A certain somebody (whom I wish I knew, because I’d give him a medal) looks at the man mopping up the puke and starts chanting “USA! USA! USA!” and everyone at the party joins in unison. It was amazing.

5) Low Key Backyard Party
On the last weekend we were at school, we randomly went to a party in some acting major’s backyard that ended up being really low key, chill and full of beer and jungle juice. We hung out by the keg and talked to new people about worldly events, like Salute Your Shorts and The Adventures of Pete and Pete.

While we were enjoying ourselves at the backyard party, we realized that Brad never figured out that we didn’t get attacked by a coyote in Arizona, a little white lie that we told everyone and for some reason, some of them believed. They also realized that we didn’t sleep by the pool for a night, but in the security of a dorm room, and that the tale we had told was for enjoyment purposes. After Brad became more and more upset at the idea of our lies, he asked:
Brad: Did you even go to ARIZONA?
Mike: Nope, we went to Salt Lake City!
Dan: Yep, we hung out with some Mormons, no fun there!
Mike: Yeah, we read some bibles.
Dan: That were WRONG!

Good way to end the year, hooray Sunday night partying!


Other times that rocked:

-Ryan Luciani flips out over a Girl, almost gets his ass kicked, punches walls and gets pushed by the Girl’s roommate, who then tried to kill the Girl. The night was a crazy pain in ass but ended with me and my roommate mocking people with lazy eyes. So, in the end it was alright.

-The night we finished an entire keg in 35 minutes between 9 guys.

-Getting caught by the po po for public urination and receiving a ticket that I got away with (the bastard cop fucked up the ticket… BITCHES! Mike had to serve 8 hours of community service… BWA HA HA HA HA HA). Of all the fines I could have got in trouble for, public urination is the funniest. Someone up there has a sense of humor.

-Arizona was fun. Check out the entry titled ‘Arizona Stand’, it’s worth a look, another nonfiction piece I am proud of.

-My birthday night was full of surprises. We went to dinner and then almost missed a bus to get back. As we were running, I almost shit my pants from the crazy food and Brad calls forward ‘MAN DOWN!’ When we get back I received a lap dance from the most nasty girl ever… Nasty Ass Cass from down the 7th floor hall. All of my friends thought it was the funniest thing ever, I believe it ruined my birthday. Let me check… yep, it did. Thanks fuckers.

-Jack’s birthday was enjoyable, we walked him all along the world, making him believe we were taking him to all sorts of places. We walked through the revolving door at a few restaurants, in and out of a few others, all the way up the 3 escalators at the movie theater just to go back down until we arrived at Dick’s Last Resort and got silly hats and paid for Jack’s dinner, which of course, since he didn’t have to pay ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. Dick.
When we got back Jack received a lap/strip dance/tease from Mr. Joe Yeoman. We have it on tape if you ever want to see it. It’s funny.

-Brad becoming retarded drunk to the point of being placed on a chair in the 15 degree weather in the coat room and mistaken for a coat rack. This is the night he met Ashlee (they actually met when she slipped in his puke on the way down the stairs and landed on him) who would soon become the biggest mistake of his life. This is also the night he looked at my friend Erica across the room and told me, “See that bitch over there, I’m gunna get on her.” Ironically, she was the reason he went retarded and got sick for a week from being in the cold ass weather all night (we had to DRAG his ass back). So, I didn’t feel bad at all when he ended up like he did. In fact, I felt justice had been served. I love reflecting on that night, haha Brad.

And finally:
-We went to a ‘Beer and Loathing’ party a week after Hunter S. Thompson died and they played a tribute documentary at the end. Of course, the po po showed up and we ran out the back door and jumped off a raised porch because we didn’t wanna get in any more trouble with the po (seeing as the tinkling incident happened just weeks before). But halfway through the party Mike decided to go in front of all these acting majors with world affairs on the mind and give a toast. As he stands in front of all 20 of these actors, he yells, “EVERYONE EVERYONE PLEASE! CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE A TOAST!... THIS IS TO FEELING GOOD ALL THE TIME!”
He looked out to 20 kids staring blankly at him, essentially toasting to himself and looking like a douche bag in the process. He looks up and sees me and Joe Yeoman laughing at him from the other room and pointing.

God, I love college.

“
In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
“
-Bill Pullman with the best speech in the history of time in ‘Independence Day’